“I am Misunderstood”
“And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back, So shake him off”
Im confused…Am I wishing tomorrow would never come because I dont want to deal with another day of this?… or am I wishing that this current day will end because I dont want to deal with this now?? It’s a lose-lose situation but its not a good mind set, I know that much. I’ve never been thrown so many curve balls in my life but for all of them that have been thrown, more of them have turned out to be a home run in the end. This is all ironic because I hate Baseball, yet the analogies just flow out like its my main sport. Any way, back to the situation… Am I in a low that I wont be able to see it through?? Or is this temporary? Because in reality…for a Christian everything is temporary…Right?? This life is temporary and I dont need to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself… Thats just not good enough for me…Thats not calming, or solving…I strive so hard for answers, now. But no wonder I never get them…I spend so much time making doctor appointments and shoving my nose into medical books, to figure out terms and causes and symptoms…But thats not where I should be, should it? I have allowed my life curve myself into a secular life style…where I only rely on Man to help me and to provide me with the answers that I long for. But thats where I have fallen… God is bigger then any problem that I have ever encountered…And I have spent too much time in the books and on the phone and in that cold florecently lit room that has a bitter bite to it every time I enter. I can’t seem to shake this. I have been relying on the wrong things. I need to get back on the path that has been planned and made for me, and I need to have faith in the God that has loved me all along… I am not confused…I am Lost…
“The best thing you can do, is have a really good “Plan B”
I promised myself years ago that I would get rid of everything in my life that didnt matter, that had no value, that made me unhappy…I havent dont a great job at it but Im still working on it. I will weed out the bad and allow myself to be confident..To be proud of my life and what God has made of it. I will learn to accept myself for once in my life…I will stand strong, and I will conquer fear, I will conquer….
…..But first I have to get out from beneath this rock I’ve been hiding under…..
…That wont be easy….
“waiting for Society’s Definition of Beautiful….(not the right mind set….I know…. :/ )”
How does God decide when and where to put obstacles in our paths? No matter how long it’s been, how many days, months, years have past…it will always hurt. It will seem real everytime it’s played back in my head and it will hurt twice as hard everytime I watch it because the realization will become more…real. But I solemnly swear that I will be positive…I will take those hurtful painful scarful experiences and I will hide them…I will push them aside…I will deal with them on my own time. Because no one deserves that burden, those tears, those memories…so here’s to everything that no one knows…cheers?
“And so I run not to the things they say could restore me, restore life the way it should be.”
At the moment I have found myself sitting in a starbucks, with beats on my head, and a venti calm tea with half and half and two splendas in my hand. Little does my mind forget to remember that it is my Birthday. Today I am Nineteen…But what does that mean? Does that mean that Im getting closer to finding the pursuit of happiness? Does that mean that Im closer to being able to drink alcohol? Does that mean that I am one year wiser?? These are not tough questions at all…As far as the pursuit of happiness goes, I think that Im on the right track with that, God is doing wonders in my life and all I can do is thank him for another wonderful year, with wonderful friends, and a wonderful family! Alcohol? 21? not relevant in my life just yet…and as for being a year wiser…well I would like to think that I have learned a good amount of lessons in the last year and that my mind has grown in the sense that I know where God wants me to head in life and where he wants me to invest my time. So do i feel another year older? not really…But I do feel the grace of God as he blesses me with another year. Another year of laughter, love, and another year to grow closer to God. So when we all raise our glasses to today, I’ll be raising mine to God. Cheers
“How do I find comfort in my own skin??? :(”